Would You Do This For Yourself?

Guest Blogger Kweli Kitwana prepares a table before us replete with the love and care that we need to apply to our lives daily. Sometimes it’s the simple indulgences and  the simple activities that bring us the most joy.

Would you take the time to prepare a beautiful tray of food for yourself? You know — those special trays of foods, laid out perfectly and thoughtfully to impress others but now we are aiming to do it for  for ourselves?

We spend an enormous amount of time “pleasing” others. Whether it’s our partners, family or friends, it’s not common to take extra steps to ensure their enjoyment and pleasures of indulgence.

But what about yourself?  Would you make these same efforts to bring this same joy to yourself? I often hear myself saying these words,  “I get much pleasure from doing things for others.”

Believe me, I truly like to do things for me — without  fanfare or exhibition, but as I prepare a tray of snacks for my reading ritual, I am very conscious that I am doing this for me. Each choice of food that I make, every piece that I slice and even right down to the arrangement of my snacks, the personal choices I make to please and stimulate my loving heart for myself are consciously done.

We don’t need to eat out of bags or over sinks just because we are not in the presence of others. We can take time to mindfully care for ourselves because WE DESERVE IT!

Kweli is an artist living in the Bay Area and committed to getting the most out of life.

#thisidoforme

PLACEDIA REMINDS ME THAT GHANA 🇬🇭 IS WHERE THE HEART LIVES!

Post Written By Guest Blogger Kweli Kitwana

East Bay, California 

In this article Kweli shares how her volunteer experience and a developing special relationship with a high school student in Ghana continues to impact her life. 

Of all the years of me volunteering in Ghana over the past few years and of all the wonderful experiences that I’ve had while in Ghana, one young woman truly stands out, and she stole my heart. She was a recipient of scholarships from SistaWorks. This honor allowed her to complete high school, however due to the lack of funds, her dreams for pursing additional education seemed to be unattainable.

Placedia is is her name, and I encountered her after she graduated from high school.  As a way of giving back for having received her education from The SistaWorks Program, Placedia returned to her high school to show her gratitude by returning to speak to other students. This visit would be the equivalent to serving as a Career Day speaker.

As I was preparing her to speak to the current and newly selected scholars, Placedia informed me that she had placed her advanced education on hold because she needed to raise 3000 Ghana Cedis/$670 USD — about $55 monthly in fees and tuition. So for now, she is selling water at the local markets with the hopes of furthering her education in the future.

I asked her how much was she able to make monthly selling water. The shocking response was — 35 Ghana Cedis/$8 USD. WOW!! That really hit me….when would this young woman ever be able to attain her higher education?  Girls like Placedia, when not able to continue their schooling, will end up married and/or caring for their families and elders.  With this often comes the realization that getting that additional education may never happen causing their dream to slip further and further away.

Immediately, I gave her what I had in my possession as she was leaving that day to go back to her village. I couldn’t get it out of my mind that 157 Ghana Cedis/$35 USD  was all that Placedia would earn after 19 days of selling water!

After I departed Ghana, Placedia stayed on my mind! I finally found her again, and I have since been sending her $56 a month to cover her education at Midwife College.
We write each other often (via email), and I’m learning so much about her.

I also learned that after completing her stint as a government midwife, Placedia wants to continue her education by studying to become a Physician’s Assistant at a local university.  She hails from the Village of Wiaga — part of the Builsa District in Ghana’s Upper East Region.  Placedia tells me that she is a proud tribal Builsa, and her native language is Buli.

I love writing to Placedia and discussing the enslavement of Africans. She and I recently made a connection around her history — The Bulsa people have a proud heritage of fighting against the enslavement of Africans. Historically, they have fought fiercely against enslavers, and when Babatu attacked her people in the 19th century, they were able to stand against him and turn him back!

That event is celebrated to this day with an elaborate festival called Feok just before Christmas, and it is a passionate celebration which highlights their love of Freedom!

Lately, I’ve been talking to her about African Americans and our connection to Africa. I have taken great care in explaining to her that Blacks in America are not “White People” (a common misunderstanding on the continent) nor are all American Christians looking to do missions based work.

NOTE:  In Ghana and throughout Africa, it is very common for Africans to refer to Black Americans as White. For example, to distinguish me as an American, they would say “the white woman was looking for you.” It is often their way of  assigning class designation, and I also believe it is their way of making it clear that we are Non-African in Ghana.

These small but mighty interactions bring me much joy, and they have helped me to solidify my purpose.

Thank you Robin Joyce Tillotson for constantly reminding women to take care of ourselves and to never give up on your dreams. #thisidoforme#movintowardpositivity#wakandaforreal

THE BEAUTY OF BEING AN OLDER WOMAN

The beauty that I am speaking of is the beauty that is inherent in almost everything we do — even if we are not consciously aware of it.

With many of our burdens lifted at this stage of life, we are thinking with greater clarity, we feel with an intensity not experienced before, and we view problems differently and handle them knowing that the end of the world is not forthcoming.

Rather than being counseled, we now counsel and mentor others. Rather than trying to solve problems on our own, we engage the strengths of others thereby sending out the signal that they, too, have the wherewithal to survive and thrive. Rather than mull a potential decision in our heads over and over, we make the best possible decision based on the best information we have available at the time.

We are not looking to get anything from others, nor do we have hard core expectations.  We are more about the business of giving than expecting anything in return, especially for that which we gladly share freely.

We now know through our increased confidence that as women age 50+, we take life as it comes, and we search (not in desperation or anxiety anymore) for meaning in the smallest of gestures and acts.

We are certainly more grateful for the life we have and we no longer yearn for the life we once thought we should have.  A light and ephemeral silhouette of all of our experiences now engulfs us, and we are now able to radiate it out to all that come into contact with us.

And for this we are grateful.

#thisidoforme

 

THIS…I…DO…FOR…ME 2018 DINE-AROUNDS!

Travel is not the only thing that This…I…Do…For…Me (TIDFM) offers.

When I first conceptualized TIDFM back in 2015, I did so with the idea that I wanted the business to be a conduit for providing uniquely curated experiences for women age 50+.

One of the ways in which TIDFM carries out its mission of connecting women age 50+ is through its Dine-Arounds at   outstanding Chicago restaurants.

The first gem on our itinerary is a Vietnamese eatery well known in Chicago as Pasteur.  Several of us will be traveling to Southeast Asia in 2019, and I thought what better way to learn about Vietnamese culture except through its cuisine. We will dine there on Saturday, May 5, 2018!  Pictured below is a Vietnamese Vermicelli Salad and Banh Mi Lettuce Wraps.

 

The second restaurant on our Dine-Around schedule is Eddie Vs Prime Seafood scheduled for Saturday, July 21, 2018. This outing is particularly special because TIDFM will also host its second Annual Book Swap. My gift to my assignee is the book “Stockdale” written by author Priscilla Lalisse-Jespersen.  I’m excited about passing this book on and the pleasure I derived from reading it.

Each attendee will bring a used book to share/give to another attendee who has been assigned to them. Also, when presenting the book to their assigned partner, each will explain a little about the book and why they enjoyed it prior to presenting the book to its new owner.

On Saturday, September 29, 2018, our Dine-Around will take us to Mexique, a fusion experience of Mexican and French cuisine.  I love this place!  You will be amazed at what Chef Carlos Gayton does with the Roasted Monk Fish.  It will explain why he is slated to receive his first Michelin Star ⭐️.

And, lastly, Mindy’s Hot Chocolate will be the venue for our last dining experience for 2018.  Even though the food is out of sight, the desserts are epic — Chocolate, Chocolate and more Chocolate!  Check out Mindy’s Milk Chocolate Coffee Mousse highlighted below, right.

 

What’s the best part of all of these outings?  Not the food, although the food is magnificent and not the lovely decor, although beauty is evident.   It’s the conversation. It’s the laughter.  It’s the sharing. And ultimately the best part are the new relationships that are forged and the opportunity to be with like-minded women!

Bon appetite!

Get Yourself a This…I…Do…For…Me T-Shirt — You Owe it to Yourself!

This client is smiling from ear to ear as she is about to embark on a fabulous trip to Hawaii with her husband Fred!

To show how important it is for her to consciously recognize the importance of self-care, Paula wanted a t-shirt to outwardly reflect how enthusiastic she feels about doing something for herself.

Like so many women, Paula has always expended a load of energy, time and love on parents, siblings, children and her spouse.

And equally important is  the effort she puts out daily at work and helping others in fulfilling their aspirations.  “Working in the field of social services is rewarding, but compassion fatigue can creep in — I need to periodically gas up so that I am present for my clients” states Paula.

She now, without hesitation, embraces self-care and no longer sees it as a selfish indulgence. “I’m so excited about my trip, and I can say with solid confidence THIS I DO FOR ME!”

 

 

 

Traveling — A Different Kind of Vacation

 

What was the unexpected?  Taking a vacation in the middle of a harsh Chicago winter — one that I never even entertained.  Winter has mainly been something to suffer through while I waited on the dawn of spring when it “made more sense” for me to take a vacation.

So when I was invited to spend time in Puerto Vallarta last month, I went with the flow and decided to spend some winter time doing something different, but this time in 80+ degree temperatures.

Typically, when I vacation, it is traditionally to locales where there are loads of historical monuments to behold, great shopping districts to experience, restaurants to sample and jazz clubs to get my music fix satisfied.

Although these destinations are exciting and filled with constant activity and fun stuff, I must admit that my recent trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico was a different kind of vacation. Total relaxation ruled the entire week.

Although I took advantage of a few excursions — a tour the historic Lady of Guadalupe Church, viewing the sculptures along the Malecon and shopping, the best part of this trip was the time I spent at Palenque Spa getting a mani and pedi, along with a deep tissue massage, partaking in sumptuous meals like the one at Los Alcatraces La Marina, sipping champagne on the golf course and more importantly just kicking back on the beach in the most comfortable lounge chair while immersed in a collection of essays written by Samantha Irby sharing the company of special friends.

And I can’t forget the time I spent on the balcony watching daily sunrises and sunsets.

My mind was not bogged down with the items on my To Do List, or work related issues or making decisions.  My mind was clear — as clear as the waters in Mexico.

I think I can get used to that!

#thisidoforme

 

I USED TO BE AFRAID OF DYING — NOW I’M JUST AFRAID OF NOT LIVING!

How many times have we said we wanted to do something and five years later we find ourselves saying the same thing or we look up and we are no closer to our desires than when we first spoke of them?

Stop procrastinating! Stop worrying about the future! And by all means stop dying by not setting some goals and consistently working toward them!

Live! Live! Live! This…I…Do…For…Me

MAKE 2018 THE YEAR THAT YOU COMMIT TO RADICAL SELF-CARE!

Like so many of Ann Lamott’s powerful insights and quotes, I especially like this one because it propelled me to look at self-care as a radical act.

No longer of the mindset that taking care of myself is an act of selfishness, I now see it as high level activism.  “Why?” you ask.

Simple — because unless we feed our bodies energetic food, our minds powerful fodder and surround ourselves with nutrient-rich people who support us and call us out when necessary, we can be of little benefit to others nor have a true impact on our world.

Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that being a sacrificial lamb earns us a place in the pantheon of sainthood.

Here’s to a life of radicalism!  Happy New You!

 

 

2017 RECAP OF THIS…I…DO…FOR…ME ACTIVITIES — IT WAS A GOOD YEAR!!

As I reflect over the 2017, I realize it was an extremely busy year.  It was a year of a lot of firsts for me, particularly as it relates to building my two year old business This…I…Do…For…Me (TIDFM).

It was a year that allowed me to see how I brought dreams to fruition for others and just how much satisfaction I derived from playing a role in that.  It was also a year where I faced some long-standing doubts and fears, and surprisingly I came out on the other side!  I like to do yearly recaps mainly so that I can not only see what I’ve accomplished, but examine the misses and areas where I still need to grow, as well.

So for all that it brought, here is TIDFM’s 2017 recapped:

TRAVEL

January — I, along with nine female relatives, took (what has become known as “The Cousins’ Trip”) a four day jaunt to Atlanta, Georgia. Our cousin and her husband treated us royally.  The trip was made especially memorable because we traveled there during the time Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s  birthday was being celebrated in his hometown.   It was also magical to spend that time with family members.  We took in the movie “Hidden Figures”, saw Roy Ayers perform at the City Winery, ate at some fabulous restaurants, laughed and talked, talked and laughed, and more importantly, we paid homage to Dr. King by visiting his grave site,  along with that of his dedicated wife and comrade Coretta Scott King.

 

March — I was able to visit a close friend who lives in Berkeley, California.  This was the first time that I spent my entire time in Berkeley versus spending time in Oakland or San Francisco.  We saw an art exhibit at Berkeley Museum of Art, ate Bi Bim Bap at a  Korean restaurant (ate there twice because I can never get enough of Bi Bim Bap), watched a myriad of movies at her home and toured the campus of The University of California, Berkeley.  I have always wanted to see this campus, especially because of its history of protest, advocacy and of being a change agent.

A visit to the Bay area would not be complete without paying a visit to the outstanding restaurant Burma Superstar!  That place! That place!  They offer every imaginable way to please your palate; their coconut rice alone will have you begging for more, and the variety of Burmese food offered is amazing.

September — I finally got to travel to a city that I have been longing to visit for quite some time.  This trip, like my excursion to Atlanta, allowed me to spend time with family — 3 cousins — who made my trip so special.  Not only is Seattle a most gorgeous city, its food scene is amazing and as diverse as its residents.  You want good ice cream?  There is Molly Moon’s Homemade Ice Cream.  You want really good Sushi?  There is Trappers.

And I can’t  forget my visit to the famed Pike’s Market, The Northwest African American Museum and the city’s Space Needle!

 

 

 

The University of Washington’s campus is picturesque, and situated on that campus are some of the most architecturally unique buildings I’ve ever seen. Needless to say, Seattle’s weather is my kind of weather.  Although it was overcast on several days, the breezes and fresh air made the trip all the more enjoyable.

Also, Seattle gave me a chance to be mesmerized by The Chihuly Exhibit held on The Seattle Space Museum Caampus — what magnificent work!

 

 

 

October — Reykjavik, Iceland — Not a place I would have ever imagined myself visiting until I came across an incredible fare offered by Southwest Airlines, but AM I GLAD I DID!  Naturally, once I really began to research Aurora Borealis (aka The Northern Lights), I was determined to witness this phenomenon first hand.  On a cold Iceland evening, I got my chance.  How awe-inspiring it was!

 

Who would have thought I would have paid to join an excursion to whale watch?  I maintained the attitude that “as long as I am here, I might as well immerse myself in Icelandic culture.”  It was cold and wet, but I felt like a trooper because I pushed myself to do something that I would never have done before.  I saw not only whales, but but I saw humpback dolphins, and other unrecognizable water bound animals.

I shivered my butt off, but I enjoyed every minute.

 

 

 

I was also able to partake in a two hour Icelandic Beer Class where you not only tasted a variety of beers (that was a lot of fun), but I learned about what was going on historically in Iceland at the time those beers were crafted.  Our class members were from Canada, Italy and Sweden.

Of course we took the obligatory city tour — Reykjavik’s Cultural Building was hosting a run of Tosca, along with some lesser known productions and exhibits.

We also saw the building (pictured below) where President Ronald Reagan and General Secretary of the Communist Party Mikhail Gorbachev held in 1986 made progress toward creating The Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty between the United States and The Soviet Union.

The highlight of the city tour was seeing the Lutheran Church Hallgrimskir, which is one of Iceland’s hallmark tourist attractions. Running a close second was bathing in the iconic Blue Lagoon.

November — The end of the year saw me revisit Sydney, Australia, but unlike my first visit in 2015 where I went Down Under solo, this time I escorted eight women aged 50+ to the land of Oz!  It was a monumental trip because it was the first official excursion for This…I…Do…For…Me and it was the first time some of the ladies had ever left the United States.  AUSTRALIA WAS EVERYTHING!

Our Sydney, Australia  Itinerary Included:  The Sydney Opera House Tour, The Royal Botanical Gardens, Cronulla Beach, Darling Harbour, Circular Quay, Seeing the Southern Cross at the Sydney Observatory, Sea Life Aquarium, Madam Tussaud, Watson’s Bay and Doyle’s Restaurant, Bondi Junction (for shopping) Day Trip to The Blue Mountains and numerous restaurants representing Thai, Greek, German, Italian and Mexican Cuisines.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OTHER 2017 THIS…I…DO…FOR…ME GROUP OUTINGS AND EVENTS

1.  We took a Greek Cooking Class at Sur La Table in Chicago;
2.  I and 12 TIDFM patrons participated in a Wine Tasting and Food Pairing led by Sommelier Brian Duncan at Eddie Vs on The Gold Coast;
3. We attended The City Winery’s Sunday Concert Series; classical, jazz and choral music was the fare;
4. We attended a Salute to Katherine Dunham at The Harold Washington Library;
5. We attended both The Annual African American Film Festival and viewed a film monthly at The Gene Siskel Film Center;
6. TIDFM sponsored its First Annual Book Swap and Dinner at Eddie Vs;
7.  We attended three theatrical productions — Hamilton, An American in Paris and The Bodyguard;
8. TIDFM in conjunction with Chisiko offered a Women Warrior Masterpiece Art Class at Robust Coffee Shop;
9. We attended The Chicago Cultural Center’s showing of the documentary “Still I Rise” featuring the life of phenomenal Activist, Writer and Renaissance Woman Maya Angelou;
10. We attended a musical performance featuring drummer extraordinaire Terri Lyne Carrington and Liz Wright;
11. We attended Dixon School’s Annual African American Cultural Festival;
12. I attended “Black Girls Gather” in Chicago hosted by “For Harriett “Writer and Activist Kimberly Foster;
13. I was invited to join The Shanghai Committee for The Chicago Sister Cities Program;
14. I even learned how to play Mah Jong;
15. Attended The Annual Good Food Conference;
16. I threw my first Paella Party (see pics below)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am excited about 2018, as TIDFM will be traveling to Greece in September!  We will continue to experience the wonderful cultural scene that Chicago offers.

I will keep you posted on our other exciting events scheduled for throughout the year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  MAY PROSPERITY ABOUND! #thisidoforme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RECAP OF QUARTERLY ACTIVITIES — THIS I DO FOR ME

Since my last quarterly recap, I have been ultra busy.

Here’s what I’ve been doing:

THEATER, PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT, TRAVEL, OUTINGS, BOOK LAUNCHES AND BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT, Oh My!

•  I and a group of friends took in “Leavings,” an   outstanding theater production written by playwright Gail Parrish!  This is one of those works that have you immersed in deep thinking long after you’ve seen it;
• Attended Chicago’s Steppenwolf the play “Fundamentals.”  This work humorously examines the world of Upward Mobility for women;

• I enrolled in a six week photography class offered by Blue 1647, a tech and business incubator program dedicated to increasing the number of tech savvy people of color; our instructor, Amber, quelled my fears and emphasized how important it is to let my personality come through my work. I now feel more confident, and I look forward to utilizing what I’ve learned.

• After running a contest on Facebook where the winner had to guess my favorite American city, I and winner Twanda Gates, took a Helicopter Tour of downtown Chicago. The prize was sponsored by Mighty Mongoose, a company that specializes in curating exciting outings in big cities like Boston and Chicago.  Rotorzen Helicopter Tours was the operator;

• THIS…I…DO…FOR…ME (TIDFM) celebrated its first year anniversary in August 2015. It’s hard to believe that an entire year of fun and growth has gone by;
• Artwork and graphic design were created for an imminent TIDFM T-shirt (to be unveiled in early 2017).  Also, a logo was created;
• I announced TIDFM’s 2018 International Excursion to Athens, Santorini and Mykonos, Greece!

• I attended the book launch and release party for new author  Marilyn D. Willis’ book “Winning Through Early Detection and the Beauty Behind It.”  I am convinced that this book with save lives and inspire women to live their best lives despite a cancer diagnosis;

• Most excitingly, I created a group for over 200 age 50+ women. The goal of the group is to uplift, share successes and remind this age cohort that there is still plenty of beautiful life to live and EXPERIENCE!
• I booked a January 2017 trip to beautiful Atlanta, Georgia. I will have the pleasure of spending The Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday weekend in King’s hometown with 10 cousins for our annual “Cousin’s Weekend!”

I am so excited about what is in store for TIDFM.  I look forward to continuing to share this journey with you.

NOTE:  Do you have suggestions for a TIDFM outing or activity?     Please feel free to email me any ideas at robin@thisidoforme.com